Geetu
20th Feb 2002. This date is fresh in my mind.
I was in the office when I received a call from Indore, my hometown. It was my mother on the other side, a bit visibly disturbed asking me to rush home. On enquiring, she said that the doctor has advised surgery for my younger brother while he was on a routine health check. Without much questioning, I decided to fly the next day, meanwhile, I called up my brother to find a little more. He, as usual, was cheerful and was just back from his official tour. Before I could ask anything he said there is no need to come, it was a mandatory health check required by his company and as a process before the hospital issues a good health certificate when asked if he has any health complaints. “Acidity,” he told the doctor. Free health check-up was anyway part of the company contract, the doctor decided to do abdomen sonography. When the report came, he was asked to get the family elder, seeing my parents, they asked him to call me as an elder brother to meet them on an urgent basis.
This was the whole story.
From the Airport, I straight away drove to the hospital. At the hospital lobby, I could meet Geetu’s dozens of friends. One among them was Kabir. All of them cracking jokes and laughing and here I was a bit confused. Anyway, I walked into the doctor’s chamber where I found two other doctors as well as if they were just waiting for me to come. Before I could introduce and ask anything, they pulled the sonography film along with the scan report and fixed it on the backlit screen. The main doctor stood up and started explaining to me something which I little understood but heard them say " Cancer" and they like a profound astrologer predicted his life for another six months!!
I was zapped!!! They wanted me to believe that the boy standing out with his friends, laughing loud shall be there for SIX MONTHS!!! Have they gone mad? Are they nuts? Are they really a doctor or just became one by chance. Do they know what they are talking about?? Stupid.
Then the doctor put his hands on my shoulder and said, “Please do not trouble him with all surgery, therapies, etc, and let him enjoy whatever life is left for him”.
I was shocked, terribly shocked. He just got married a year back, his wife now carrying two months, how happy he was to share this news. Incidentally, even my wife was also on her way for our second child. Both advised to take rest with no stress. Everything flashed through my mind. A glass of water and the doctor inquired if I was ok. I cried. I cried aloud in the chamber. They consoled me.
Finally, washing up my face, I came out, as if nothing serious happened. I told Geetu and his friends that this hospital was not good and the doctors were not much aware. I said, “Lets, pack off to Mumbai and we will meet doctors there.” One of the doctors overheard me but he understood the trauma which I was undergoing.
My decision was a surprise for my family, they challenged, resisted, and objected, but I was firm. It was time for us to leave everything back here and fight this war. The enemy, only I knew about. The outcome of this war, only I knew about it. Honestly, I was too young to undertake such a big challenge. I was mere 33 years of age. Immediately after landing at Mumbai airport, I arranged to drive down his wife to her parents in Nasik, my parents straight to my home, and we two directly to " Tata Memorial Hospital".
The sight at Tata Memorial was no less than a concentration camp , the sights enough to shake the courage of any brave person, enough to challenge one’s own belief in God or it can be the other way where one becomes a firm believer. Anything can happen. It was happening to us. Like a shit scared person, we both were trying to figure out our way to meet someone who can guide us. Seeing our plight a ward boy type of a person, took our report and very intelligently read and then guided us for registration and suggested the name of the doctor. While Geetu waited for me to come with the file, it seems after seeing the whole environment he could then realize what we both were up to. Finally, we got the first chance to meet the doctor with the report. He gave two minutes precisely to see the report, examine him, write medicine and to meet him after two weeks, as he had another hundred patients waiting for his expert opinion and he had very little time to spend there as he needed to rush to some other private hospital. Our fate was sealed in these two minutes.
The first opinion, Second Opinion, Third Opinion, More opinions, every test report, and biopsy we doubted. Every scan was believed to be wrong. We denied every proof. Even a ray of hope was something which I would cling on.
Dr.Kabir was the only person with whom I could speak openly and the other person to whom I confided was my Father in Law, a retired army Captain, rest all were weak at heart and fragile. I carried Geetu back and forth from hospital to home, every time with more hope after every Chemotherapy. Meanwhile, the doctor decided to operate on his kidney as it had got spread almost all over the body.
The doctors kept on testing medicines on him, Geetu kept on bearing the pains of every experiment they did, I kept thanking God for every additional day I see him alive, and my parents who till now were naïve to all this kept on praying and hoping against hope. I tried and reached out to every other person who promised a cure to the decease, herbs, Ayurvedic, mushroom treatment, Chinese medicine and I don’t remember where all I went to get any of those medicines which could give life to Geetu.
After taking a dozen Chemos, Geetu was reduced to nothing. It was surprising to believe that he was ever a well-built man with more than six feet height, weighing 90 kgs, who was ever ready to travel anywhere was now completely dependent on all of us to even get up.
Months passed.
In this long-drawn battle, we missed being with our wives
who were carrying the babies and they expected the arrival in August and September.
It was enough!! My mother got fed up with everything going around and she took the decision to take him back to Indore and vowed that he shall be fit and fine in a couple of months. They all packed. Anyway, there was nothing left for Geetu to undergo, and nothing left for the doctors to try out.
Every day, I used to call up home, enquire about his health, knowing fully that he was getting worse. Mummy had a different version. She was working on Geetu and was trying her best to revive him. She kept a brave face while I called her. Every phone call from home brought shivers to me for that “unknown or rather known to happen”.
It was a big surprise to receive a letter from Geetu, he thanked everyone and shared his progress on health. It was a wonder. Seems our prayers were heard. I decided to travel.
I was shocked and surprised to see that he was back to normal. He had put on weight. His diet had changed. He had even started going to office. Behind him, standing was my proud mother with a smile, as if she was telling me loud that She did it!! Yes, it was there for everyone to see. Everything suddenly changed. My mother was creating history. It was possible. How happy I was. We celebrated with his friends. I left much happier.
It was time for Geetu for a follow-up visit. He arrived and we met the doctor. The question still rings a bell in my mind. The doctor after seeing both of us, asked “Who is the patient”? To that my answer was, Do I look like one? The doctor was shocked to see him. He said just continue what you are doing. Meanwhile, Geetu expressed his desire to meet his wife in Nasik. I never wanted to drive so long and far, fearing everything which could happen. He pleaded. I succumbed.
We were in Nasik the next day. His wife who went for a routine check up had to undergo an urgent cesarean due to some pregnancy complications and we had the baby in hand almost three weeks in advance. He was lucky or rather the baby was lucky to be born while he was around, this was never expected. Now we were all used to expect the unexpected. Hence it did not give many surprises. My worries continued in the midst of his excitement. With a lot of insistence, we returned and he left for Indore.
I was much relaxed as I did see him off in good health as was promised to my mother.
Life continued. He was on a recovery path. Health improved so the happiness. I still wonder what was working amid everything as he almost stopped all the medicine barring some self-treatment which included daily drinking of Goat milk, having some Ayurvedic medicine to create an appetite and he was eating well. I didn’t even check what all he was taking, rather why should I even check if it’s meeting the purpose. Back home I was blessed with a baby girl.
The scene changed on Feb 21. He started experiencing pain. Local doctors knowing about his disease and the possible outcome gave only symptomatic treatment. His pains were addressed with pain killers and balm. He started losing health. My frequency to Indore increased along with the worries. It seemed that the few months we all enjoyed carefree were god-gifted for some reason. He started losing health. Prayers intensified. He needed help with everything. I was getting worried. Mummy who stood all these days like a rock started losing herself. Daddy was never a tough person but humble and brittle. He broke faster. Days were getting tougher. Nights were scary.
I remember talking to Geetu one of the days when he was lying down. To keep him strong and motivated, I said, “You shall be fine, your health is improving.” To this, he smiled and said, “I can see my health in your eyes!!!” That was the day when I cried again. But alone.
Hold on! I shall be back soon were the last words I shared with him. He bid me. I had to go back to Mumbai as I was needed there for some emergency. I had taken enough stress. The biggest challenge was not facing all these but not able to share with anyone. Around me, all were weak or were themselves in a broken state. I carried this all along. When in Mumbai, I wanted to rush back. I feared every phone bell.
20th May, late evening while I was in the office, Mummy called me. There was silence. No communication but I got the message. The next day early morning flight we all were in Indore.
Geetu was an ardent believer of God. Forget temples, he saw God in every stone. At home, he was the person for all Pujas. it shall not be wrong to say that he was insane when it came to God and bhakti. A person who only loved. Hundred times in a day he will bow down in front of the home temple. He only had friends. He never had any vices. No bad habits. I still wonder what price he paid for!
Geetu since then lives in me, in my thoughts!
2005, My father in law was detected with the same disease, and immediately three months later my father during his health check up was detected with disease in the lungs. After Geetu, my parents have been living with me in Mumbai.
One year and more I with my wife, Jyothi, were an almost weekly visitor to the hospital where Dr. Kabir was practicing and was helping out with doctors & treatment. Therapies after therapies and radiation after radiation, the Captain took bravely whereas my father could not take it much. We fought as much as we could. My father decided to spent his last days in his native Kerala. He breathed his last in December 2006, and the Captain my father in law who was my strength lost the battle in 2007.
These incidences have left me with some insights.
It is difficult or worthwhile to reason out and search for an answer for, Why me? No logic or philosophies can help you seek this answer.
One cannot remain continuously in denial mode. The early, one comes to terms, the early the action begins.
Lack of information on the disease or too many free opinions can cause a challenge. Once the disease is diagnosed, instead of rushing all around, it is wiser to pause for a little while and explore every avenue and understand it better before we set out for the battle.
One must build a support system in terms of friends/ relatives and take their help wisely. These resources must not be exhausted lest, at a later date, one remains alone to fight and attend to the patient. Generally, it is seen the first week is a crowd and subsequently, there is no one.
One must understand the finance requirement well from the doctor/ hospital and must ensure proper planning of the same.
There is no need to overload the patient and family with hundreds of books on health, mind, soul, prayer, videos, WhatsApp, meditations, etc as many times one may not be interested.
Friends and Relatives must visit the home as per the case and should avoid discussions on disease or case studies rather use the platform to enjoy, share, happiness, some fun, etc as that is what is most needed. Everyone knows, in the trying times, a little joy makes all the difference.
The family must not drain out completely, use the support system wherever possible. Do not shy in seeking help.
The family must sit together, decide the priorities, and defer all those which are less important.
Avoid guests sitting and sympathising with the patient or family but encourage and extend all help.
Eat healthy, talk healthy, keep the life and surrounding as normal as possible. Keep the stress away, consciously.
To be honest, no one other than a qualified doctor can understand all the reports and observation, hence there is no sense in sharing & discussing the report and diagnosis with everyone whoever walks in.
Lastly, have a good friend with whom you can share everything. One who can hear you out. It is much needed lest you might give away or break.