Cancer journey of an Onco surgeon!
I’m Dr Ramakant Tayade, practising cancer surgeon at Nagpur, Maharashtra . It’s almost 17 years now, I’m in active practice of oncosurgery. I deal with almost all types of cancer surgeries which include breast cancer, oral n head neck cancers, Gyneac cancers, Esophagus and GI cancers etc.
Being in exact centre of India, Nagpur has the unfortunate reputation of being the tobacco capital of India and consequently the oral cancer capital also. So I deal with so many oral cancer patients at its various stages from stage 1 to stage 4 disease…
I always wanted to tell others my story and my patients’ stories of cancer journey…. Somehow couldn’t gather the courage because of the fear of being judged by family ,friends , patients and probably social stigma associated with it … but now it’s been three years exactly today… the 16th of feb 2022…!
Almost every one knew that something is wrong with me for last few years … but no one , absolutely no one ever asked me what happened to me ,…most probably to protect my privacy! But last week someone, very unknown person asked me some uncomfortable questions to which I lied and did not reveal my actual diagnosis… the reasons I don’t know!…. After that when I was travelling , I thought why did I lie…? I must tell the journey n pain of going through cancer Diagnosis …. To encourage the patients of any cancer, especially oral cancers to come forward early n get treated …
So here I’m… It all started in the end of January 2019, i noticed a small ulcer over right cheek…! I had an accidental trauma once at the same place which had healed. I again had the trauma while chewing at the same place which was not healing even after conservative initial treatment….at that point I had a suspicion that it could be cancer…. Like anybody else, I was devastated …… thinking of my two lovely kids, my wife and wonderful life we have together and their future and my profession …. Felt like the world has turned upside down…. Yesterday it was so beautiful , everything was going so smoothly n suddenly … it’s so uncertain !
Ashwini my wife and my best friend… being a very hard working busy physician….for a change…. was planning to go for all girls trip to Goa for very first time…I didn’t want to ruin that , so I waited for her trip to be over… When she wasn’t here , those three days were nightmare, no one to talk to…. I had sleepless nights, constantly thinking of the future… I slept two nights tightly hugging my daughter.
When she came back… first thing, I expressed my suspicion to her cause I knew she is the one who is going to help me do this ! …. She is strong woman… may be she too was devastated but not for a second I could feel it… that was my first step towards the journey…And Bet me … if I can take that first step… u can do it…!
We decided to go for biopsy the same day and Dr Ghanshyam chude, one of my best friends and a surgeon did it…He and I knew it … the worst is yet to come…!
It was my younger daughter, Ira’s graduation day from nursery and coincidentally our marriage anniversary too…! We , the whole family was going to attend it in the evening…Everyone was busy… I was in the hospital working !And the phone rang… it was Dr Mrs Kamayani mam… with whom I have worked for so many years, …… she is a motherly figure to me… She said in her usual soft and caring and concerned tone…‘ Sorry Ramakant, but it’s positive re…squamous cell carcinoma’…! For a moment I was motionless… Thousands of thoughts crossed my mind…. I knew what oral cancer patients go through….the whole process!
I had to pic up my son Ishaan from school for evening function so I left early from hospital …. No one can imagine what I was going through when he and I were travelling back home! I couldn’t speak to him much…! The journey back home was unending today…!
I told reports to Ashwini… she was as strong as before…! She said ‘ No problem… u know it’s early disease… we will fight it together ‘…. Now I started thinking positively…. And we went for school function! Such an amazingly organised function it was … Ira was looking so adorable in that white dress …dancing…… And I was in my own thoughts… ‘ what have I done man….’ I love my daughter the most, like any other father …I guess…! What’s her fault…!
Our anniversary was not on our mind… ! Somehow the function got over and we were back home…!
I consider myself very fortunate person as I’m surrounded by very close ,very few , really amazing friends. Normally when we meet we , we usually behave very casually…. Usually no serious talks…! Each one of us is different in their own way… life is amazing when we are together And They are a family to me…. I broke the news to few of them…! And from that time onwards… They were all around me all the time planning for how to go about it…!
I knew right from the beginning that as the surgery is only option…. There can’t be anyone else other than Dr Kabir… my very close friend and an Onco surgeon based in Delhi who can do justice to surgery!!!...I discussed things with him and we decided to get it done in Delhi where he is comfortable…
By this time … I was converted into a patient from a doctor…! I wasn’t using my brain! I had surrendered myself to situation to fight it out…! Everything was planned by my closest friends and Ashwini !!
As planned we landed in delhi on 14 th of feb 2019… went straight to hosp n met Kabir!
I knew… I was putting pressure on him by surrendering myself to him.I can imagine how much stressed he must be…. to operate on your own friend who is also a cancer surgeon. So many things he had to plan…primary surgery to Anasthetia to cosmetic outcome to plastic surgeon to morbidity associated and above all cardiac risk of Anasthesia as I had MI few years back ! But that’s Kabir… the saint… literally !
I was operated on 16 th feb 2019…. And I opened my eyes at night while I was on ventilator… I could only feel pain n helplessness … couldn’t speak and tell! Ashwini , Jayesh n Kabir were around…. And I thought ‘what a mess I’m … poor girl!’ ……Whole night I was on awake intubation… I was thinking how easily I tell my anaesthetist to keep the patient intubated after surgery !! Nurses were doing their usual routine as I was too a routine patient only for them …. ! Never felt that much helpless in life before… worst night of my life!
Next morning I was extubated n shifted to room… ! By evening… I came to my senses…! As planned , two of the friends were going to stay with me in hospital on rotation and Ashwini was supposed to travel in between as she had to take care of kids , house and work too!!!... I always knew, she is absolutely perfect wife… but to do those things at that time wasn’t an ordinary job… keeping herself and me calm, travelling almost alternate day from Delhi to nagpur, managing house n her professional commitments too and above all never showing the uncertainty of future she must be going through….! I call her a super women… she is the best thing that has happened to me all my life. Probably we couldn’t do it without the unconditional support of my Father in law… Mr Arunrao Choudhary… He is another angel in my life! He was handling home and kids when Ashwini wasn’t home!
And what can I say about my the best buddies… they took care of me like brothers ….24x7 around me…awake whole night !.. Assuring me … ‘ This is just a phase, it will pass !’ . I just can’t express my feelings for them in words…! They know it…!
I think Dr Kabir… didn’t work for almost for 7 days till I was in hosp … he was around all the time! Last day he came with histopath report… it was a very early disease , not needing any adjuvant treatment… I was so relieved…. I don’t remember when I cried like that before …!
Recovery went well n we travelled back to nagpur! Sitting home without work is very difficult for any surgeon… 3 weeks post surgery I was in hospital working! Initially because of swelling n scar I used to hide my scar … but slowly I realised… I should face it! …. N I became more comfortable interacting with my patients! …. In the process of recovery , because of some reasons I have complete Right tongue palsy… my speech n swallowing was very much affected, people or patients couldn’t recognise my voice! Patients couldn’t understand my words! Those were really difficult times… I didn’t know… where I’m headed! It’s still not recovered but everyone… me and patients n people around me have come to its terms!
May be god has his own way to do things… since I got this disease… life has changed completely professionally n personally…. Now I know how the journey of cancer from diagnosis n treatment and living with the uncertainty of life post treatment is and not to mention the huge financial burden associated with it …! How it’s to be on awake intubation, the pain, faces of family members n the concerned people… Like me ,all most all oral cancer patients fall in this age group, everyone is young ,some have small children… the story remains the same!
This has changed me for good as a surgeon and a human! Now I feel more connected to my patients, I know I’m a better version of me as a cancer surgeon now! Probably I do more oral cancer surgeries than other surgeries because of that… that responsibility of cancer surgery pushes me to do better for any cancer patient !!!…. I try to be better husband and a father… I really don’t know if I’m the one😊…!
I have been through this… no one should!
So far … I can call myself a cancer survivor with blessings of my late Parents !…. I only seek blessings of my patients…! God know the future! But I urge everyone to take that first step …when you notice early signs of cancer…! See ur qualified doctor ASAP ! If detected early , cancer can be conquered!
So … please stay healthy ,look after urself, follow healthy habits…!
Life is really unpredictable… live every moment to the fullest… be more compassionate, caring empathetic ! Everyone is fighting his own fight… so try n don’t judge people!
And most importantly… Always be surrounded with some really gud close friends… I mean it 
!
Not all storms in life come to disrupt it… some actually come to clear ur path!!!
Thanks ….!
@Ashwini Tayade
@ Dr kabir
@ Amol Deshmukh
@ Amol Kadu
@ Jayesh Timane
@ Vinod Kurwale
@ Unmed Chandak
@ Ghanshyam Chude
@ vipul Seta
@ Sudhir Chafle
@ Manoj Wyavhare
@ Shailesh Bijwe
@ Saurabh warshney
@ Sushil pande
@ Dipak Sayankar
@ Parikshit Janai
@ Indrajit Agrawal
There are so many people associated with my journey whom I couldn’t mention… my immediate family, my friends families, my working colleagues, hospital staff, Management from American oncology institute, all my patients and last but not the least…. My two children … Ishaan And Ira… They really reacted bravely to the whole
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