Right Decisions, Sharp Focus, Thorough Planning & carefully chosen Support: Can make a huge difference.
My Father-in-law is a disciplined person, regular exercise, walks have always been a part of his daily routine.
In 2014, he faced some prostate issues but got cured in consultation with Doctors at Indore and Delhi. The cancer test was still negative at that time.
In 2016-17: These problems reappeared, and he was again treated at Indore and undergone surgery. He then got diagnosed with the 2nd stage of Prostate cancer during that time.
What worked -1: Accept the issue and Focus on the cure and the next steps.
Both my Father-in-law and mother-in-law are mentally strong & spiritual personalities. They decided to discuss the next steps.
What worked -2: -Avoid distractions. So, involve only limited people to focus on cure and important -prevent other social distractions.
But it would not have been possible without certain very close friends.
Again, essential to find the right balance between people who need to know and who don’t.
What worked -3: Trust only the people you have known for years. (Basis personal experience, we carefully picked people.
(It is unfortunate, but the medical profession’s ethics have changed for some doctors).
Hence, we relied on an old Dr friend, who himself is a specialist. 100% trustworthy and has lived a life of values.
What worked -4 - Please don’t panic and spend time to find the right place to get treated. Usually, this should be done by someone other than the Patient.
Since there was no social pressure (as we had not disclosed this news to too many people and we had trust in the family), once we decided, there were no second thoughts.
Based on the advice of a trusted Doctor Friend we finalized the hospital. It was a long-standing specialty hospital , far from our city managed by a trust.
I remember that’s the most challenging part for us deciding the Treatment, whether to stick to Indore, Ahmedabad, Mumbai, or Pune. We needed people’s support, seeking people’s advice who have already gone through this problem.
After specific discussions and the assurance of our Dr friend we decided on the hospital.
What Worked -5 : Plan Well. Don’t rush and spend time in planning so that there are no other issues except the treatment.
Consider Factors related to credibility, Out of station issues, Financial Planning etc.
However, we had to evaluate the issues related to the out of the station, including accommodation and cost of living, Financial Plan, etc.
(Again a significant factor - people and doctors you can trust and who have lived life focused on value system) .
Experience of some friends when they trusted the wrong people came in handy here.
What Worked -6: Discuss the plan of action within the family. The priority is to get Treatment and not luxury or comfort. We have seen a few friends picking up the most expensive or a luxurious hospital. However, we had the trust of our parents, and they left the decision on to us.
Sometimes most expensive hospitals are not the best. Sorry to say, but this is not a social status thing.
What Worked -7 : Have someone to handhold during Treatment, especially at the beginning.
During this journey, many people supported us. My husband’s best friend helped us by introducing us to the Doctor and accompanied us on initial visits to the outstation hospital to settle ( such is the importance of initial hand-holding ). The first visit to the hospital is most tormenting. We all had our apprehensions, and again, the Doctor friend’s son accompanied us.
Then started a series of tests, and it took some 2-3 months and 3-4 long-duration visits ( 3-4 weeks each) to get a proper diagnosis and treatment line.
Since we had considered the practical aspects of out of the station living and planned well, we were never in a rush. We were comfortable for a long term stay near the hospital. So no other distractions or any other daily issues except Treatment.
I stay in Bangalore, so I travelled from Bangalore, and my In-laws from Ujjain. Finally, to undergo radiotherapy treatment, they stayed near the hospital for 1.5 months. After that Treatment, they followed regular monthly visits to the hospital, which now has reduced to once in 6 months. He is fit and fine now .
What worked -8 : Be with the right set of people on a similar journey and with a positive outlook.
First and foremost is the strong will power of my in-laws. They both never gave up be it outstation visit to hospitals or the stay for treatment. They mingled with people there, and participated in all the activities. It was amazing to see how a positive attitude towards life helps .
Being a specialty hospital, they had patient group activities to participate in. They created their support system, which also helped them answer many questions that they could not ask doctors.
What we missed initially
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The first thing as a family is to find the best Treatment, with some not so good stories of hospital and doctors. We were apprehensive and looking forward to credible references, which we failed to get.
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We missed having a support community, my Father in law had many questions, and Drs did not have time; nothing to blame them. They had a long queue of patients.
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We missed having a reasonable second opinion. We contacted most of the Drs from our sources and tried to send them reports online to seek their consultation. But I wish we could have a network to find the specialists and get their opinion.
